Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Happy Coming Out Day, Everyone!

National Coming Out Day Yesterday was Coming Out Day. I had started this post yesterday in order to properly commemorate the day, but the post never did get finished and I ended up being way too tired to get more than a little over 200 words written and then absolutely, positively needed to sleep. So, please forgive me for this post coming a day late, but I think it’s better to have it grace the internet a day late than not at all.

So, Coming Out Day. I like this day; I like it a lot. I like that, as Feminist Hulk put it yesterday afternoon on Twitter, it completely trumps the colonialist and genocidal day that is Columbus Day and I like that during the breaks I took throughout the day from my looming workload, that I was able to read so many awesome, inspiring, kick ass Coming Out Day blog posts from a variety of really amazing people.

Coming Out Day is important. It is crucial. In the wake of the recent heart wrenchingly tragic suicides of LGBTQ people and the daily harassment and bullying many LGBTQ people are still going through today, Coming Out Day presents a great opportunity for those who are in a safe space and who have the ability to come out to do so and share their stories, their experiences and their points of view; no one ever knows where their stories will go, who will find them at perhaps the time when they needed them the most, or who they just may help in some way just by putting it all out there. When you’re sharing your thoughts via the internet, there are no limits and that is why a day and a movement dedicated to empowering people and never settling for less than complete equality for everyone, regardless of their race, ability, location, sexual orientation or identity has the power to do so much.

So I suppose now is the time where I share with you, dear readers, a little bit of myself. Coming Out. I have never actually come out, as in announced to my family, friends, acquaintances and so on that from this point forward I will be identifying as [insert identifying label of choice here.] I have merely just existed and have presented myself to the people around me as exactly who I am, or as who I was at the time they connected with me. I have never made a formal announcement about what words sum me up completely.

I am a cisgender pansexual woman. The word pansexual is newer to me, not because I have not always felt attracted to people of all genders, orientations and identities, but because I just didn’t have a word that best described that for me in a way I was comfortable with. I know that some people find the word pansexual as being a privileged term, as Shanna Katz mentioned in her own coming out story. I have heard this before, but have yet to find another word that I am personally as comfortable with as I have come to be with pansexual.

I questioned for a very long time what I was in terms of my sexuality. I knew I wasn’t straight; some of my first childhood crushes were on other females, I have always been attracted to females, at times even more-so than males. I have dated women, have had flings, romances, and my heart broken by women. The same has happened with men. At first, I self-identified as bisexual which worked fine for me because I thought that pretty much encompassed my sexuality. I wasn’t straight, I wasn’t gay, I could see myself settling down and being happy with either gender, but as a young woman I was told some pretty horrible things by some people who I had told, in which they replied with “Of course you’re bi, all young women are nowadays.” That felt like shit, as if people felt it was okay to invalidate me and other bisexual young women because they have been presented with a warped view of bisexuality after seeing way too many late night ads for Girls Gone Wild. I also received some pretty narrow-minded advances from men who thought they had hit the mother load when they learned that I was bisexual, thinking that I should have no problem having a threesome with them and another woman and not just that, but that I actually owed it to them to do so. However, I should also probably mention that I have had threesomes on solely my own terms. With the right people, under the right circumstances, and with the ability to make your thoughts and preferences known, it can be tremendously fulfilling and enjoyable. No one should ever make you feel like you owe them something when it comes to sex. How and with whom you share your body is completely and totally up to you, no exceptions.

When I found myself absolutely attracted to people who were trans or questioning, I didn’t feel as if bisexuality was enough to identify my own sexuality. So, I went where all people go when they are looking for information of any and all kinds–the internet. I found the word pansexual and it immediately clicked for me. It made sense. I liked it. And that’s where I am now, today. My self-identified labels may change in the future, for instance, I just may find a word other than pansexual that resonates with me more intimately, but what I have shared with you today is who I am and I guess that means I have formally come out.

If you’ve written about Coming Out Day, feel free to share your link in the comments. I have really been enjoying reading what others have had to say about sexuality, gender and sexual liberation and would love to read more.

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