For The National Review Sotomayor Is The Wise Latina Buddhist
Okay, this latest image sent my WTF meter right off. Seriously, how much longer are white men going to display their ignorance and hatred to promote their undeserved privilege? It started with Sotomayor the piñata because apparently the fact that she is Puerto Rican and not Mexican is irrelevant. Now we have Sotomayor the Buddhist. When it comes to creating WOC as “other” any social construction will do, as our cultures and religions clearly have no individualized identity.
Sotomayor is Catholic and Puerto Rican, how hard is it to recognize these two basic facts? Not only is this image offensive to WOC, it is offensive to all Buddhists because their religion is being reduced once again to the “all knowing Asian” stereotype that whiteness loves to lean on. You will note that even though people around the globe practice Buddhism, this caricature has slanted eyes so that the viewer is sure to recognize that the artist (and I use that term loosely) is reifying that mysticism and or enlightenment are the preserve of those “brainy yellow people.” Buddhists certainly don’t move through the world, holding down jobs and interacting with others; no they are far to busy contemplating the nothingness of being in mountain ranges with hard to pronounce names.
With this latest graphic the assaults on Sotomayor have truly reached the level of idiotic, sexist and racist. In appealing to the irrational fear of white men that they are being supplanted, these artists have succeeded in creating a monolithic “other”. It does not matter what ones achievements, education, or political position is if your body represents that of an “other”. It panics these men of privilege that a Latina woman of humble beginnings could possibly have a different perspective or a line of thought that is more comprehensive due to a different life experience.
The very normalization of whiteness is what allows these kinds of images to exist. These cartoons scream DIFFERENT, DIFFERENT, DIFFERENT…without acknowledging that the issue is not really difference but the value that has been applied to difference. As Sotomayor goes through the confirmation process we will probably see more attacks of this nature. Though whiteness is under no great attack from invading Puerto Rican women seeking to rule, the idea that one could possibly sit on what has been commonly a throne to white men is threatening because it suggests that white men do not have a monopoly on intelligence.
Cross Posted from Womanist Musings
Oral Sex and Reciprocity
Sex, Sex, Sex and more Sex. We are so obsessed with sex that we often attach it to things that it has no relation to and when it comes to the actual conversations about intercourse, we use ridiculous euphemisms to highlight our supposed discomfort. Speaking directly is something that is often discouraged in women and yet we are expected to be overwhelmed with our lovers prowess even when they leave us wanting to reach for a vibrator.
Sexually, men are understood as predatory and in constant search of sex and this dynamic is routinely played out in the bedroom. No man is ever too shy to say suck my dick and often fellatio is perceived as a necessary prerequisite to copulation. A woman that does not enjoy giving head or finds it repulsive, is deemed to be sexually repressed. When it is about a man’s pleasure suddenly the idea of female sexual purity dissipates… Erections often lead to a loss of supposed sexual morality; orgasms before slut shaming.
Many men hump under the false assumption that their dick is the key to multiple orgasms and sexual bliss for women. How many times have you had a dick waved at you like it was this long awaited prize that you had been dreaming about forever? Oh yeah a dick, like they aren’t readily available for the asking.
I am going to let all the men reading this in on a little secret. A guy that is good with his hands and his tongue is a KEEPER. If you can polish a pearl until a woman’s eyes roll back in her head, then you my friend will always be invited into a bed. Don’t be a selfish lover.
I cannot tell you over the years how many times I have heard women complain that their lovers won’t go down. Seriously WTF…enough with men going down 3 times for every ten blowjobs they get. That stat is worse than the pay inequity between men and women. Where is the equality and reciprocity in that bullshit?
Even worse than that disgusting statistics are the weak ass reasons why men refuse to put their tongues into service….It either “smells down there”, (note suddenly they can’t say pussy or vagina), or they just “don’t like it”. Try telling a guy you don’t like giving blow jobs and set the stop watch because it will be seconds before he starts explaining to you that you have sexual issues.
Telling you that you smell, is just a way to shame you into accepting his failure to be a considerate partner. It is common knowledge that the vagina is often constructed as dirty and to tell a woman that she smells “down there”, preys upon this meme and unnecessarily shames her. I don’t know where men image got the idea that their crotch smells like a bed of roses. The crotch is not a sweatless, odourless area and whether male or female, there is an odour. Call it body musk, call it crotch rot but no genitals smell like a 500 dollar bottle of perfume.
Even when some give in, it is often a case of “if you really want me to”, accompanied by a childish whine. Socially we still view sex as something men do to women, and orgasms as something men give to women. We fail to understand that this false meme is centered solely on the penis entering the vagina, rather than a sexual act that is meant to specifically pleasure a woman. As womanist/feminists ,we long ago claimed a right to our orgasms and so I must image ask why the hell are so many women still putting up with this bullshit? To me it seems really simple; if you want head give head and if the man you’re fucking cannot agree to that, wouldn’t a hot bath, a shower nozzle and a good book be less frustrating for all?
Cross Posted from Womanist Musings
Always A Tramp: Lil Kim On Dancing With The Stars
“You’re trying to be a lady but you’re more comfortable being a tramp,” were the words of Bruno Tonioli. The audience and her partner laughed along while the shock and embarrassment registered on the face of Lil Kim.
DWTS has a patriarchal foundation to begin with because it never challenges gender roles or sexuality. Though clearly Lance Bass is gay, the idea of him competing with a man was never given serious consideration outside of the gay and lesbian community as ultimately DWTS is about reminding others that performing the roles encoded to their bodies is of paramount performance.
Since the show has been on the air there have been plenty of dances that were highly sexual and yet it is the black woman that is called a tramp when she does a dance that is not in the least bit sexualized. What is this but the articulation of the jezebel construction? Tonoli felt safe making the commentary that he did because black female bodies are deemed always sexually available.
When white female dancers perform what is considered a sexy dance, the judges comment about how hot the dance was and rarely to never is it personalized in the manner that it was with Lil Kim. When Tonioli looked at her he did not see a woman, he saw a black woman and all of the negative behaviours that have been inscribed to our bodies for the purposes of exploitation. The eternal jezebel construct exists so that our bodies can be violated at will and this is why black female bodies are often deemed “unrapeable”.
It is quite easy to declare Lil Kim unladylike because that is a term restricted for white females. This is projected as complementary, however it serves to control the behaviour of white women. The conflation of “purity and goodness” and our continual capitulation to a gender performance based on submissiveness, is a direct result of viewing the world through a coercive male lens. This approach further divides white women and WOC, in that we learn to view each other as binary opposites even though we both share in gender based oppression.
The lesson learned from this is that sexism hurts all women, even when we are attacked differently. DWTS has become quite popular and projects itself as entertainment based model of the ways in which men and women are meant to interact with each other. The problem is that this version specifically supports a patriarchal view of the world and this necessarily means the disciplining of women. Just because it is wrapped in foot tapping music and a glittery costume does not mean that it is not riddled with rot.
h/t EUR This N That
Cross Posted from Womanist Musings
Yeast Infection: When You Want To Make Love To The Toilet Brush
At the risk of being accused of “over sharing,” I have decided to talk about yeast infections. I have not had one in about three years but this past week let me tell you, I could bake a loaf of bread in my vagina. Women get this annoying infection all of the time and we don’t talk about it because to admit it is to confirm in the minds of many that the vagina really is a polluted place.
Yeast infections are accompanied by a thick white discharge, redness, swelling, and itching. Believe me, the minute you have one the toilet brush suddenly seems like the most appealing lover that a girl could ever hope for. If you have never had one it is best to get it diagnosed by a doctor before buying over the counter medication to deal with the problem.
Like periods, yeast infections are something that we suffer through in silence. Unlike menstruation there is even less conversation about this issue. This is yet another sign of how disconnected we are from our bodies. With the medicalization of labour and delivery, women have lost our traditional ways of healing and we have learned to become ashamed of our biological processes; whispering about it occasionally to friends, only to discover that they are just as ignorant of female biology as we are.
Can you imagine announcing that you are cranky because you have a yeast infection or freely scratching yourself with impunity the way that men do? If even saying the word vagina is deemed faux pas in public, touching yourself is definitely out of the question. Our vaginas are deemed the property of men and therefore unless we are washing them or neatly trimming our pubic hair they are understood as a no “fly zone”.
There are still women that douche regularly because they believe that their vaginas are dirty. Many don’t even know that they are supposed to have discharge or that its consistency and color can change as we go through our monthly cycle. We would not tolerate such ignorance about our hands, or legs but when it comes to the vagina, the occasional hushed whisper often suffices.
This willful ignorance continues on because mothers who are not aware don’t teach their daughters. How many women still wipe back to front, instead of front to back? If you can take the time to clip your fingernails and brush your teeth, perhaps investing in your vagina might not be such a bad idea considering you are going to be in possession of one all of the days of your life.
So yeah this week I had a yeast infection. It was less than pleasant but you know what, it is part of being a woman. We need to acknowledge all of the things our bodies do even when it makes us uncomfortable.
Cross Posted from Womanist Musings
Womanism/Feminism…Feminism/Womanism
When we look at labels to describe activism by women we commonly use the term womanist, or feminist. Words mean something despite how casually we toss them around. They are how we order and understand our world. In an effort to be inclusive when we write about activism many will often write feminists/womanists. This acknowledges that some WOC have to some degree separated themselves and have taken on the label of womanists because of the history of racism within the feminist movement.
The problem with using these labels is that they often appear in a certain order. Most will write feminists/womanists rather than womanists/feminists. This may seem like a small insignificant point but what it does is that it once again sets up a hierarchy about what counts as real activism when it comes to women. If feminism is routinely placed first it sets up womanism as a ridiculous offshoot. When we consider that womanists largely identify as such because of racism in feminism, routinely placing it behind feminism only reaffirms the idea that white women still see WOC as secondary bodies.
Even though writing feminists/womanists is an attempt at inclusion, the order of the words appear means something because it speaks to who has power and privilege. Often unconsciously we reaffirm power dynamics in our society. Privileging certain bodies has become a naturalized phenomenon and it takes a conscious effort to decolonize your mind. These small slights do not go unnoticed even if they are unremarked upon.
Many WOC are rightfully distrustful of white women. There is a long history of betrayal and silencing. I have watched time after time as we are assaulted and our issues ignored. We are told that we focus to much on race in an attempt to destabilize our organizing. Womanism speaks about our lives, our needs and our existence in a way that feminism never has. It validates our experiences and places us in the center of the conversation. To place feminism before womanism continually only reifies the need for womanism.
The rift between WOC and white women needs to be healed. Each new slight just adds to the bitterness and contempt and is the equivalent of pouring salt into an open wound thereby further dividing us from each other. When there is such a large history of betrayal we cannot afford to continue to fuel the negativity as it only detracts us from our common enemy: patriarchy.
WOC are always going to have issues that are unique to us, and yet we share many issues in common with white women. The anger and bitterness often causes us to ignore their valid commentary and make sweeping assumptions. There will never be one monolithic woman that can represent us and the “sisterhood” will never cure all the hurt, but we need to think about how we speak to each other if we are going to move forward.
Our future lies in unity and not in separation. It is important that we leave room for forgiveness and it is essential that white women acknowledge the ways in which they have wronged us. This is a problem that we need to tackle together with patience and love. Both WOC and white women essentially want to see women succeed, we just don’t always agree with what constitutes “woman”.
Cross Posted from Womanist Musings
Sex-Positivity
I'm passionate about sex-positivity and believe every sexual being should have the freedom to explore their sexuality safely and without condemnation. I even lost my ad network after my refusal to censor myself after reviewing feminist porn.So if you're in the market for sex toys, porn, books, etc. take a look at the retailers below, all of which are feminist-friendly.
Out Campaign
The OUT Campaign allows individuals to let others know they are not alone. It can also be a nice way of opening a conversation and help to demolish the negative stereotypes of atheists. Let the world know that we are not about to go away and that we are not going to allow those that would condemn us to push us into the shadows.
