At the Death House Door
Anyone who has been following me on Twitter for the past, oh, about 18 days or so (all 613 of you–How did I get 613 followers? Oh yeah, probably because I down and out abandoned my blog and have just been using Twitter to bitch, moan and complain. Gotchya.) knows that I have been on quite the documentary kick. I’ve made my way through crime documentaries and have also been peeping in and out of political documentaries. Now, because I usually split-screen my desktop monitor so I can work as well as watch movies because I’m a multi-tasker like that, although it’s pretty obvious I haven’t been working on this website, I usually pick films that are light and airy and frankly, something I don’t have to pay much attention to so I can still be productive. For instance, I have watched several profiles on serial killers, a plethora of the best Cold Case Files episodes and so on. You know, because serial killers always provide that light and airy material I crave in the early morning hours when I need to get shit done.
Tonight I did very much the same thing I’ve been doing over the past two weeks–settling into some work and looking for something to watch. I settled on At the Death House Door, which I have stumbled across several times before and never really felt compelled to watch, so I’d always just glanced right over it. Tonight, however, I did watch it and I thought it was going to be one of those documentaries I kinda-sorta watched while I also typed away at the computer since the synopsis merely said that two filmmakers examine the state of the death penalty in Texas from the perspective of a “death house” chaplain who had witnessed nearly 100 executions throughout his career. Light and airy right!? Well, not exactly, but still something I could kinda-sorta work through.
The chaplain of the Huntsville, Texas death house in At the Death House Door was Rev. Carroll Pickett who you see throughout this documentary as being one of the nicest, caring people you could ever possibly meet in your entire life. His words were always careful and articulately chosen and throughout most of the documentary you do not know where he stands on the whole death penalty issue because he said that if he were openly for the death penalty, no inmate would have trusted or talked to him and if he were openly against it, he would be fired by the state of Texas. When you’re covering the death penalty in a documentary, the inevitable shoe to drop that I knew was coming, was the topic of a man who had been put to death who was completely innocent and this had happened on more than one occasion in the state of Texas, but one case is greatly highlighted and the family of this man was absolutely heartbreaking as they strove to raise awareness of what had happened to their family member.
Here’s the trailer for At the Death House Door:
Anyone who is familiar with me and this website can assume my stance on the death penalty. I think it is completely hypocritical, heartbreaking and downright wrong. While I had planned on working while watching this documentary, it did not pan out that way. From about ten minutes in until the end at just over an hour and a half in length, I was glued to it. It pulled me in and then tore me apart because while I haven’t really covered it too often here, the death penalty is one of those political hot points for me where I am so adamantly against it that I get angry about it, it tears me to shreds to think that something as corrupt and utterly and consistently unjustified, like the government (federal as well as state-wide) are under the tragic misconception that they have the right and even the responsibility to choose who lives and who dies. Whenever I encounter these hot button issues, one thing that repeatedly pops into my head is that one section of Network where Howard Beale is shouting:
We know things are bad–worse than bad. They’re crazy. It’s like everything everywhere is going crazy so we don’t go out anymore. We sit in the house and slowly the world we are living in is getting smaller and all we say is, ‘Please, at least just leave us alone in our living rooms. Let me have my toaster and my TV and my steel-belted radials and I won’t say anything. Just leave us alone.’
Well I’m not gonna leave you alone. I want you to get mad. I don’t want you to protest. I don’t want you to riot. I don’t want you to write to your congressman because I wouldn’t know what to tell you to write. I don’t know what to do about the depression and the inflation and the Russians and the crime in the street. All I know is that first you’ve got to get mad. You’ve got to say, ‘I’m a human being, goddammit! My life has value!’ So I want you to get up now. I want all of you to get up out of your chairs. I want you to get up right now and go to the window. Open it and stick your head out and yell ‘I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take this anymore!’
There are a lot of things that make that little segment go through my head and the injustice of the death penalty is one of them.
By the end of the documentary, Rev. Carroll Pickett actually starts advocating for the end of the death penalty in Texas, after seeing nearly 100 executions and being that last person someone has contact with before the state puts them to death. He speaks with people who are for the death penalty and tells them what the government would and still will not. That what is injected into the veins of a person to kill them was also once used to put animals to sleep–before it was outlawed because of how inhumane it was against those animals. Regardless of your stance on the death penalty, At the Death House Door is an absolutely amazing, enlightening, gut-wrenching and incredibly depressing documentary that I felt very much compelled to write about here, even though at the time when I finished watching the documentary and knew that I had to write about it, I didn’t know what to say or if I would have anything to say before sitting down to write.
Rev. Carroll Pickett, the man whose perspective this documentary is from, is also author of a book that I now must get–Within These Walls: Memoirs of a Death House Chaplain. If it’s even half as good as this documentary was, it’s going to be amazing.
My Favorite Patrick Swayze Moments
Patrick Swayze passed away earlier this week surrounded by his loving family after a 20-month battle with advanced pancreatic cancer. He was only 57 years old.
I didn’t have a chance to blog about the death of Patrick Swayze here, but I did blog about it as soon as news broke on another website I write for. It is undeniable that the world lost a great talent and the man who simply made some of the greatest and most-loved movies (by women, mostly) what they are today. So I thought it would be a good idea to compile some of my favorite Patrick Swayze moments from two of my personal favorite Patrick Swayze movies. Sure, these clips are pretty cliche in the respect that they are probably everyone else’s favorite clips as well, so in that case, enjoy watching them again because no, they never do get old.
And lastly, here is a little tribute to Patrick Swayze from Whoopi Goldberg, Demi Moore and Jennifer Grey.
Born Into Brothels
I watched the 2004 Academy Award winning documentary Born Into Brothels last night. Yes, I know I’m about five years late with this, but thanks to Netflix I have been watching a ton of movies I should have seen a long time ago–As well as some movies I wish I never came across that left me wondering how they managed to get funding to make it–But that’s what you get when a company tries to cater to everyone–They also cater to people with sucky taste in movies.
Born Into Brothels is a chilling documentary that brings you right into the red light district of Calcutta, India. But instead of its focus being on the lives of sex workers, it brings you into the lives of the children who were born into the red light district; the girls who are being bred to take after their mothers and grandmothers as prostitutes and the boys whose lives won’t be much better. Photojournalist Zana Briski lived in Calcutta for several years and teamed up with Ross Kauffman to make this film. Although the people of the city being enraged over having their pictures taken, or worse, the women being “found out” for being sex workers, Briski found that the children of the red light district were intrigued by the camera; and so she gave a group of eight children ranging in age from 10 to 14 cameras to take pictures of their own with. She also met with the children to teach them more about how to use the camera and how to get the best results when taking pictures of their subjects.
Throughout the documentary, we sit in on the children’s lessons with Briski and we see their creativity soar and their self confidence rises just by being given the chance to experiment with a form of art. Though she has made a tremendous effort to bring art into the lives of these children, Briski knows that there is so much more to be done, saying that without her help, these kids are doomed to fall into the same life of their parents. Lives of prostitution, poverty, and nothing else. Because these kids yearn for a life outside of the red light district, she begins to take measures to help them escape that life and searches for boarding schools that will accept children born to sex workers; but she finds that very few will.
After finding boarding schools that will accept the red light kids, Briski takes the measures to enroll these children into the programs she has found. The filmmakers were extremely respectful of the children’s wishes, they made their own decisions whether or not to attend the boarding schools and by the end of the movie, after filling out endless forms for the children and also ensuring that none of them were HIV-positive, the children did decide to attend the schools and to escape life in the red light district. They were also given the opportunity to travel when their photographs were shown at an art gallery.
By the end of the movie I was full of more questions than I was given answers to. We were caught up on the lives of the children up to the point of when the film came out and most of the children either dropped out of the boarding school they enrolled in or were taken out of school by their parents. I wanted to know what happened to them; if they were taken out of school to follow in the footsteps of the females who came before them and now working as prostitutes to provide for their families. If photography is still a part of their world and if they are still being encouraged to pursue art.
Overall, Born Into Brothels is heartbreaking, especially knowing that most of the children did not get to receive an education, as all of them had seemed overjoyed by the opportunity to do so. However, this is one of the best documentaries that I have seen.
For more information on Born Into Brothels, check out Kids with Cameras for a bio on each of the children, their photographs, and more about the film and you can also purchase the book Born Into Brothels, a book of photographs taken by the children of Calcutta.
I Slept Through Some of the Oscars and Missed the Best Part
Ah, the Oscars. The land of celebrities and red carpets, the good, the bad, and the ugly of fashion, and Hugh Jackman’s chance to get drunk, put on a tux, and make a complete ass out of himself in front of present company as well as 30 million live viewers. Whether it was because Hugh Jackman has hosted the Tony Awards or the fact that he has a Marvel comic movie empire under his belt or the fact that he will continue riding on the coattails of Stan Lee’s creation for at least another two years due to his upcoming movie where he plays, surprise, Wolverine, whatever decision-making process led to him hosting last night’s Oscars should be thoroughly evaluated and learned from for upcoming Academy Awards events.
The most acknowledged movies this past year were not musicals, yet Hugh Jackman’s complete and utter fail of a performance brought one word to mind: Lame. And perhaps that is why I missed the part I had actually been looking forward to seeing because I could not help but to fall asleep. And that part would be none other than watching Sean Penn accept the ‘actor in a leading role’ award for his performance in Milk. Luckily, however, I did get to see Dustin Lance Black accept his award for writing Milk and I was able to watch Sean Penn’s absolutely phenomenal speech this afternoon online and yes, I did tear up… during both speeches.
Dustin Lance Black’s speech:
Sean Penn’s speech:
While Dustin Lance Black and Sean Penn are making Academy Award headlines for their equality activism, other moments of note include seeing Sarah Jessica Parker look like a real-life Barbie Princess doll that somehow broke out of the package, tape and twist-ties, escaped Toys R Us, and landed smack dab in the middle of the stage (the what the fuck are you wearing and fire your hair stylist moment,) Tina Fey and Steve Martin (the hilarious and just what we needed in the middle of seemingly nothing moment,) Ben Stiller (the Joaquin Phoenix moment and the you’re going to be here even if we have to make a bad comedian play you moment,) Cuba Gooding Jr. (the oh so very true moment,) and of course, Christopher Walken (the complete definition of pure awesomeness moment.)
Finally, what the Oscars did accomplish (and very well, at that) is send every celebrity in the audience home with an overwhelming sense of pride, whether or not they won an award, because at least they aren’t Hugh Jackman.
Hounddog
I just finished watching the movie Hounddog; I received it over a week ago but because I’ve been working a lot lately, it took me a little while to get the time (and emotional energy) to sit down and watch it. On that note, waiting over a week to watch it was a big mistake because this movie is phenomenal.
Hounddog is about healing–From having to grow up way too early, from sexual assault and from betrayal; it shows life in its sometimes unpleasant and ugly, but also inspiring glory. Dakota Fanning plays a young girl in the American south who lives in a world where so much is expected from her and so much tries to destroy her; from a family who feels as if she is to grow up and even as a young child, expects her to be a woman of the house, to a sexual assault. Hounddog shows you the aftermath of sexual assault, how one can become so sick because of it, but it also shows you hope and a girl who is determined to save herself with the help of a friend.
Hounddog has had a very bumpy road thus far, from Sundance where it was criticized and deemed the ‘Dakota Fanning Rape Movie’ to online reviews that I read after watching it that tear it apart. As a survivor, I loved Hounddog and the only criticism I do have is that I wish it were longer and had a more solidified ending. I loved the hope that it gives to people watching it and most of all, a particular monologue in the movie was so powerful that one moment I was laying on my couch, taking the movie in and the next was sobbing because the words that were spoken were so dead on and were so profound that it really made the entire movie. Those words were exactly what I and what so many other survivors needed to hear and it is because of everything that is said in that one, short monologue that really sums up why no survivor can let their abuser destroy or take their spirit from them.
Every survivor of sexual assault should see this movie. It will stay with you and it will give you that gentle push that so many of us often need to speak up and break the silence surrounding sexual assault. Hounddog is a movie that exudes hope and infuses survivors with a resonating voice that says ‘I understand, it isn’t your fault, now take back what is yours.’
No Trespassing & Healing Through Creativity Art Festival
I have been writing creatively since the seventh grade. I have written poetry, prose, vignettes, short stories and have also written two novellas (that I have since lost, thrown out, will never see the light of day) throughout the past nine years. I wrote a vignette in 2007 and let it sit on my hard drive with the rest of my writing–All 100+ pieces that I have chosen to actually keep and let decay on my hard drive. Unlike the rest of my writing, however, one piece in particular, this vignette, has been changing my life in ways I have never even imagined possible. Just a few months ago, I first agreed to let a friend of mine and also a filmmaker, Dany Nieves, make it into a short, spoken word film that became part of a series of short films he has put together entitled ‘Cycle.’
I have spoken about the history of this piece on here once before and have also tried to keep everyone interested up to date on what has been going on with it and with that, I have some more exciting news!
‘Cycle,’ including the piece I wrote for it will be showing at Healing Through Creativity, an art festival for survivors of trauma and supporters of survivors which will include film, poetry, music, art, workshops and a lot more exciting events throughout a nine day festival. At the last Take Back the Night I attended here, a friend of mine commented about Take Back the Night being Christmas for survivors; if that’s Christmas, I can only imagine Healing Through Creativity being the New Years Eve, the bash of the year, for survivors.
The Healing Through Creativity Festival will be held October 10th-19th at The Davis Fine Arts Center at West Virginia State University in Charleston West Virginia. Not only will ‘Cycle’ be shown at the festival, but I will also be reading more of my work there, so it is a double-exciting-news event here. I really can’t encourage anyone who lives in West Virginia or can travel there during this 9 day event to do so enough. It is a great festival that helps the healing process for many, many survivors; plus I’ll be there from October 17th to 19th.
As for ‘Cycle,’ an image of the finished DVD can be seen below. I have the DVD sitting right here on my desk and no matter how many times a day I look at it, it never gets old seeing my name on a DVD, especially for writing; it’s a dream come true in many ways for me and I hope this feeling and this journey never stops.
Because of this DVD, the art festival, stepping forward and confronting my past abuse head on and years into the healing process, I have been greatly inspired to continue confronting my abuse and jumping over the hurdles that come with the healing process. I have always wanted to inspire people and I believe that I have started my journey with this and it certainly isn’t going to stop with this. I have been so inspired and in turn, have become so motivated to do more that I have a new project coming out so check back within the next few days to see the unveiling of that. I can’t tell you how excited I am about it and hope you’ll follow me on this incredibly journey.
Mother’s Day and the Release of No Trespassing
Today is Mother’s Day and no matter how hard I try to forget about this day, it still manages to come, mock me and leave for another year.
This day is by far a great day for most people–Mothers for one. It is also a great day for people to show their mothers how much they love and appreciate everything that they have done for them. However, sometimes you get that special case where one day out of the year just doesn’t mean the same to someone as it does to others; and Mother’s Day is that day for me.
I have not seen my mother in almost a decade. No, she isn’t dead, but she may as well be. My mother was not like most out there. My mother was a child abuser and a child sex trafficker. She was (and still is) a drug addict and an alcoholic. I stayed silent about so much that happened during my childhood for so many years and it was last year where I pretty much just deteriorated. My layers of walls that I had spent years of my life perfecting melted away and I started to talk about what I had gone through and that was the best time of my life. I had stayed silent for so long because I was afraid of what people would say, how they would see me and most of all, I was afraid of what the rest of my family would think about me. While I was still in my mother’s custody I had told her that I would tell on her some day and she said that no one would believe me and I believed her.
I still don’t know what the rest of my family thinks. I was never really given the opportunity to speak to them about all of this; whenever the subject of my mother has come up my grandmother would be the first one to say that she didn’t want to hear about anything because it made her upset to even think about what happened. My father, while I love him immensely, has never been one to show or voice his emotions and so the verdict is still out on that one. My aunt had talked to me very briefly about it, after reading an interview I had done with my local newspaper about being a survivor of child sexual abuse. Not being given the opportunity to actually speak to my family about my childhood, I decided to publish it in a newspaper and send it to the doorsteps of 70,000 people living in my area.
While I have undoubtedly progressed in this whole healing process (not to mention being raped when I was 18 at the one and only college party I had ever attended and starting the whole “healing process” over again,) I have quite a ways to go and with that, to further symbolize this day for me, my short film No Trespassing was released today.
No Trespassing, My First Short Film
I usually keep my creative endeavors pretty secret until there is something super exciting to say about it and this is most definitely super exciting!
I wrote a vignette last year that I had never thought to do much with, especially since most of what I write ends up decaying on my hard drive, but upon meeting and speaking with filmmaker Dany Nieves, we spoke about my writing and he expressed much interest in my piece ‘No Trespassing.’ A month later, I am extremely proud to present the trailer for No Trespassing; the full film is due out on May 11. This film stars Anh Le (so no, that isn’t me in the film) and is produced by 307 Idea Factory.
This film is about child abuse, healing and having the courage to let go of your past and move on to a much brighter future.
* Click on image for full view.
There are some other creative endeavors in the works that will be surfacing here in the next few months, so watch for those and I will also be posting updates about No Trespassing as they happen.
Watch Searching for Angela Shelton–For Free!
Searching for Angela Shelton is a documentary made by none other than Angela Shelton. It started as a survey of women in America who shared her name, but evolved into a mission to end sexual violence when she found that over half of the women she interviewed for her documentary had been either raped, beaten or molested sometime in their lives. If you haven’t already seen this movie, I cannot urge you enough to buy the DVD, it is absolutely phenomenal. But here’s the best news of all…
During the month of April, which is Sexual Assault Awareness Month, to raise awareness about sexual violence, you can watch Searching for Angela Shelton for free! All you have to do is go to Angela Shelton TV and click on the second tab over on top of the video player, click on “Searching” and the entire movie is the second option down.
I personally love this movie, I’ve seen it no less than 100 times, easy; it’s always the movie I go to when I need to get inspired or motivated to write something inspiring. It brings the comfort needed to survivors to keep going in the fight against sexual violence and it opens the eyes of those who may not know too much about the pandemic that is affecting so many men and women all over the world every day.
Go ahead, Watch the movie!
Some parts may be triggering, so if you find yourself in need of help or support, check out RAINN or the supportive community at After Silence.
Releasing Lori: Poetry on Self-Mutilation
Self mutilation is often not given the serious attention it demands; it is often chalked up to teenage angst or a person seeking attention, which is far from the truth.
Self mutilation has become a major public health concern and affects a large variety of people including men and women ranging from teenagers to adults; although about 75% of self mutilators are girls and women. It is estimated that 0.75% of the general American population practices self-mutilation.
There are many forms of self mutilation, such as cutting, burning, hitting, bruising, biting, pulling or picking at skin and pulling one’s own hair. There are many causes of self-mutilation, such as the result of strong negative emotions and feeling the need for the outside to represent the inside of one’s self as well as technique for triggering the body’s biochemical responses to pain.
Those who self-mutilate often find comfort in the arts, such as writing poetry in order to rid themselves of their emotions and what drives them to commit such acts to themselves.
Here is another short film by filmmaker Dany Nieves, whom I’ve featured on this website once before with Alison’s Cycle.
Releasing Lori is another short film from Nieves with poetry by Alison Floersch, read by Lori Beaty. It speaks about the painful truths revolving around those who self mutilate and the emotions behind it. It is a must-see film for those who currently or have self-mutilated in the past as well as for anyone who has been affected by it or just want to know more about this public health crisis.
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Out Campaign
The OUT Campaign allows individuals to let others know they are not alone. It can also be a nice way of opening a conversation and help to demolish the negative stereotypes of atheists. Let the world know that we are not about to go away and that we are not going to allow those that would condemn us to push us into the shadows.
