Church Councils Women with Porn Addiction, Concludes Women’s Sexuality is Shameful
Crystal Renaud is the group leader of Victory Over Porn Addiction, a support group and workshop for women who are addicted to porn. The group forms at Westside Family Church, an evangelical megachurch in Westside, Kansas. Renaud was inspired to start this support group, as well as the website, Dirty Girls Ministries, by her own life. At the age of 10 after finding a pornography magazine in her brother’s bathroom, she says she wasn’t able to get enough of it and was led to masturbation, phone sex and cybersex.
Renaud starting Victory Over Porn Addiction in 2008 and her group is still very small–the last graduation ceremony she conducted for this group had only three members. However, she does know that there is a market for this type of support group and workshop, modeling her own group after another website, XXX Church, a program working to help people with their porn addiction. The bottom line of both of these religious groups is that they emphasize prayer and abstinence, not only urging their followers and members to abstain from having premarital sex with a partner, but also with themselves. They spread the word that masturbation and even arousal and sexual thoughts outside of marriage are sins, rather than elements of healthy sexuality.
It seems as if it is perfectly fine for a woman’s sexuality to be up for discussion regardless of where she is in her life. If she is unmarried, according to religion and to programs like Renaud’s and many others out there, she is prohibited from having a sexuality at all. Not only that, but she is forbidden to even merely think of sex in any context. Married women are universally stereotyped as being frigid and by grabbing excuses like they have a headache or are too tired to have sex with their husbands out of their back pockets and it is scenarios like this that we see in the campiest of comedies on television and in film that we are supposed to laugh at and even relate to.
I think that religious groups like these focus too much on condemning. In the New York Times article on Victory Over Porn Addiction and the other evangelical groups like it, a woman is referenced who “slipped” two times one week–slipped, we can assume is watching porn and/or masturbating. This woman said “I slipped two nights this week…I decided that every time I’m tempted I’ll just let everything out to God, then pray specifically for someone else, do selfless acts, to get away from being selfish.” This is not only not helpful, it is damaging to this woman’s self esteem. The thought and belief that women should not enjoy sex and their sexuality, I believe, is severely damaging. Self-gratification is a healthy part of life that should be celebrated and explored, for those who are sexual beings.
I am very curious as to what constitutes an addiction in the eyes of these workshops and support groups. I do not believe that porn is all bad; yes, I know that may surprise a lot of you out there who believe feminists are anti-porn. I, however, am not by any means. There is a lot of porn out there that demeans, objectifies and exploits women and a percentage of women in porn do feel trapped in that line of work, depending on the money in order to survive. However, if a woman is in the sex industry on her own terms, I don’t see anything wrong with that, as long as she is performing in porn where she feels comfortable and even satisfied with appearing in. We also cannot forget about the women directors who are currently making porn. The sex industry is a lucrative one and if a woman can excel within it on her own terms, our role as not only feminists, but as fellow women, is to support those people who are striving to make a living.
If the woman in this article masturbated twice in one week, I think that figure would be below the average of what the normal, healthy, sexual being experiences in one week. I masturbate more than twice a week and I have a healthy and gratifying sex life–does that mean I have an addiction? Of course not, because I am a sexual being who strongly believes in a woman’s right to sexual liberation. A sentiment that is not shared by these evangelical groups.
Another woman in the article said something that deeply disturbed me and further proved that these groups can truly have a damaging effect on women. The woman, who is 17 years old, said, “You have to take into consideration what’s best for the one you’re going to be with. Say someday I’m married and my husband can’t please me as much as I please myself. That’d be terrible.”
So not only are women being told that masturbating or watching porn two times in one week constitutes them having an addiction, but 17 year old girls are having to take into consideration a person they most likely haven’t even met yet and who won’t have a place in their lives until maybe 10 years from now? For a woman to actually have that thought signifies that she has already given up control over herself, her life and her sexuality and it’s deeply saddening.
In an episode of Sex and the City, Charlotte gets a Rabbit Habit vibrator and after barricading herself in her house because she was too busy masturbating, she divulged the fear of not being able to meet a man who could pleasure her like that piece of elastomer could to Carrie and Miranda. Why was that line written? Because it’s hilarious to the point of ridiculousness. As a person with a good box full of sex toys, I can tell you from experience, masturbation is one thing, but having sexual and physical contact with another person is another. While (hopefully) the end result from both is an amazing orgasm, the experience itself differs pretty dramatically. What is the next support group to come out of these evangelical churches? If women have an orgasm, even if it’s one orgasm a month, they must be an addict because they enjoyed themselves?
Renaud says she tells women who may slip and text her for support to pray about their situation, saying that distraction is a big part of recovery. If Renaud really wants to distract these women, as well as herself, why doesn’t she start a campaign against human trafficking, child pornography or pornography that demeans and exploits women?
Related Posts:
5 Comments Leave a Comment
Leave a Reply
Sex-Positivity
I'm passionate about sex-positivity and believe every sexual being should have the freedom to explore their sexuality safely and without condemnation. I even lost my ad network after my refusal to censor myself after reviewing feminist porn.So if you're in the market for sex toys, porn, books, etc. take a look at the retailers below, all of which are feminist-friendly.
Out Campaign
The OUT Campaign allows individuals to let others know they are not alone. It can also be a nice way of opening a conversation and help to demolish the negative stereotypes of atheists. Let the world know that we are not about to go away and that we are not going to allow those that would condemn us to push us into the shadows.
I'm so sorry that a lot of upstanding, educated people still have a mentality from the Middle Ages.
I don't really believe that the church thinks that women's sexuality is wrong, it's that ALL sexuality is wrong. The difference is that when men “slip,” they don't see it as wrong or an addiction, they see it as natural so they don't go looking for help to solve the problem that doesn't exist. The church probably see that women may feel more guilty about it so they pound it into their heads that it's evil and they should feel bad about it. Social manipulation.
To think some people still hold this line of thought is downright frightening.
Its unfortunate the way society frames sexuality sometimes. When i met my gf she had never even masturbated by the age of 20! She told me it was because she had always felt like it was wrong and something she would get in trouble for doing.
In my opinion church thinks that all sexuality is wrong and should not exist.