Where Have All the Morals Gone?

Sorted under violence against women on March 24, 2009

I have not brought up the topic of the Rihanna/Chris Brown controversy, and for good reason. Just like media publications are supposed to keep the identities of domestic violence victims secret, I also believe it is important not to trivialize domestic violence and abuse, which is exactly what popular publications have done by not only identifying Rihanna as the woman who Chris Brown brutally attacked, but publishing pieces without the moral code of telling their readers that there is no excuse for what Chris Brown did.

Domestic violence cases are often looked at from several different views and most of them include shaming the victim. Victim shaming has sadly become a normality in society and by not educating people, especially teens, of the statistics and true dangers of domestic violence, victim shaming will continue. It is never okay for a man to raise his hand or beat his girlfriend. When the topic of domestic violence comes up, many people jump at the chance to say something to the effect that women are also abusers and as a woman whose childhood could make up several books about how this is completely true, when it comes to beating your significant other, take a look at who the obvious physical threat is. Males are more of a physical threat to females, no matter what kind of spin you put on the topic. But these and many other truths about domestic violence are often cast aside in order for people to play the blame game and that is exactly what happened in the Rihanna/Chris Brown case.

There is a pandemic going on when it comes to violence and teens are not being given the education and support they should be receiving, as proven by what several teen girls have had to say about the pop stars:

“I thought she was lying, or that the tabloids were making it up,” one girl said.

Even after they saw a photo of Rihanna’s bloodied, bruised face, which had raced across the Internet, they still defended Mr. Brown. “She probably made him mad for him to react like that,” the other ninth grader said. “You know, like, bring it on?”

Should he be punished? No, said the girls, whose names were withheld at the request of the school. After all, they said, Rihanna seemed to have reconciled with Mr. Brown.

“So he shouldn’t get into trouble if she doesn’t feel that way,” one girl said. “She probably feels bad that it was her fault, so she took him back.”

Her friend nodded. “I don’t think he’ll hit her like that again,” she said.

On a Facebook discussion, one girl wrote, “she probly ran into a door and was too embarrassed so blamed it on chris.”

All of the phrases I emphasized are exactly what society has been saying again and again when they are shaming the victims of abuse. These teens are not making these statements up, they were taught to react and question cases of abuse like this. They were taught that patriarchy is A-OK and as females, we all must remain in line because if we get abused, we had it coming or “must have done something to make him angry”.

This point is driven home even further by the fact that the Boston Public Health Commission recently interviewed 200 teens and found that 46% said Rihanna was responsible for what happened and 52% said both bore responsibility, despite knowing that Rihanna’s injuries required hospital treatment.

In order to truly educate children and teens about domestic violence and even that domestic violence exists and is a problem in our culture, completely disregarded by society due to obscene amounts of victim shaming, we must set better examples for them and how to react when a controversy like this strikes them in their celebrity-driven world. It is never okay for a man to lay a hand on a woman in a violent matter and shaming Rihanna while apologizing for Chris Brown is not helping any situation, anywhere.



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  • vps
    I agree with you. But I'm suprised.
  • Being a nation obsessed with all types of violence doesn't help.

    Young folks seem to be getting the message of equality confused with the old adage "if she wants to talk like a man, let her fight like one." Young people, both males and females, seem more desensitized to violence and to glorify "toughness" among their peers. Girls seem to be expected to "buck up" and fight back, rather than the boys being expected to tone it down. I've said before this is partly an unintended consequence to the popular feminist message, where young girls misconstrue equality to mean them measuring up in a man's world by becoming more man-like. That absolutely sucks, but it's to be expected in a society where violence is the norm and femininity is diminished to little more than sex appeal and materialism.

    We can't be a warring society teaching peace and love and cooperation to our young people and expect it to make sense. Just as we can't expect young girls to understand what it means to be strong women when our culture sends so many mixed signals.
  • Holly, I so agree with you. I just read another article on another blog that makes me question where society as a whole is headed. It's about New Zealand women who just want to get drunk, and have sex - http://www.imingle.ca/2009/03/no-dating-just-sex/ ... it's crazy.

    I think it's time someone hit the reset button.
  • Those are somes scary stats. I'm even more surprised that the comments came from girls. Where's the sympathy?
  • i really like this article.i agree with you and this will be very useful for me.thanks to sharing this article.all the best dear!!!
  • Thanks for the article! Was very helpful for me! Wish you all the best!
  • I totally agree with you. I try my hardest to keep my children from reading the newspaper or watching the evening news. Come on. A celebrity beating or cheating on another is not news to me.
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