The Psychology Behind Men and Prostitutes

March 28, 2008 by Holly in politics  

prostitute With cases such as Eliot Spitzer’s latest scandal, as well as other male politicians whose prostitution habits had been found out by the general public, many may be asking themselves–What drives these men to fornicate with prostitutes? Is it all men and we just happen to shed light on politicians and point fingers as if men all over the place aren’t doing the same thing? What is it about prostitutes, in particular, that drive these men crazy to the point of risking their careers and putting their families on the line?

What must first be understood is the psychological appeal of prostitutes, which is what Michael Bader of AlterNet, a person who has studied the dynamics of sexual arousal for almost 15 years, has spoken out about in order to create a sense of understanding.

When it comes to a regular relationship, it is said that men feel as if they must give a great deal to their partner in order to get a little something back. Our culture represents women as high maintenance individuals who must be cared for by a man and are otherwise helpless in life, always needing the attention and demanding the security of a man. While those exaggerations are often false, it is our society that has conditioned men to believe that this is true, making their intimate relationships suffer when it comes to a man who wishes to have his needs met and they begin to freak out and are said to be overwhelmed by what is expected of them.

It does not matter what type of prostitute a man is hiring, it can be a woman who charges over $5,000 for an hour or it can be a woman prostituting herself on the street for $50 a night, what it comes down to is that when payment is made, the man is getting his wishes tended to. It is said that while politicians, in particular, are used to wielding power and keeping people under him in check, no one is working for this man without getting something in return–and that is where the appeal of prostitutes comes in.

A prostitute serves as a slave to a man’s needs. She is an actress, although to the man, he does not care that what he is receiving for his money is a one-woman play and an act that he gets to be nothing but a prop in. This is the man’s time to shine and get whatever sexual kink he has attended to–No questions asked and no need to reciprocate. A prostitute is sought out when a man wishes to let go and selfishly indulge in his desires without having to give anything back to the woman who performs for him.

So basically, prostitution is sought out when men realize that they cannot handle what is expected of them as men and want to be entirely selfish in their actions even when what society depicts most women to be is false. Prostitutes are wanted by the men who don’t want to sexually please their wives or even care about her desires, but women can most definitely be counted on to be standing by their selfish, hypocritical and cheating men. Breaking wedding vows never needed many psychological explanations before, so here’s the Reader’s Digest version:

He does not want to be in a relationship; instead, he wants someone who will make him look like a “family man” who cares about and loves his family so he can get a few votes and make his way into office where even more stress will be put upon him. He wants this while he can also go behind his wife’s back and get his needs met while constantly complaining that his wife wants too much from him. My advice is to go out and find a man who can indulge in his kinky desires with you, while you are comfortable enough to know that he will do the same for you. Open and honest communication never hurt a relationship, either…Who knew?

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  • Erp
    Nice content. But always remember guys, a successful man,behind him always has a woman supporting him. So don't call for prostitutes service again and try to manage an intimate relationship with your wife and family.
  • From a mans perspective - Perhaps the guy simply doesn't want to put up with nagging, complaining, and a generally annoying situation. He simply wants to fulfill his biological needs and be not put up with everything else that comes with being married. A reason exists why prostitution is the worlds oldest profession.
  • Dad
    Monogamy causes prostitution. Men want a harem. It's probably what's driving the divorce rate. Women only know what it's like to be a man when they are in "heat". One or two days a month. We have to live that way every minute of every day. Well maybe not right after........ : )
  • erp
    good post...i think for us humans...infatuation and love just simply doesnt mix...sad to say though.
  • Infatuation is the root of all evil!! lol

    thanks for post, will trackback.
  • AM
    Michael Bader's article was interesting and agree with parts of it.

    Hmmm..."A prostitute serves as a slave to a man’s needs. She is an actress, although to the man, he does not care that what he is receiving for his money is a one-woman play and an act that he gets to be nothing but a prop in. " This is a sweeping generalization that contradicts my and plenty of others' working experience. Did I feel like a slave to individual clients? No. Not at all. In the grand scheme perhaps but not directly with my clients. As wrong as they may be for cheating and lying, they're not all aggressive and violent. Selfish? Sure. But that's not synonomous with intentionally cruel.

    Something I found odd right from the get-go was that many of the men were seeking validation and reassurance and really want to believe our words are genuine. For some men, the ego is satiated by displays of moronic macho aggression, but plenty of others just want to buy the illusion that they can satisfy a woman. IME, they were not unpleasant to spend time with, and plenty do make efforts to please us, albeit unsuccessfully in many cases. For me, what was really unexpected was how many men really seem to want to be coddled, petted, and reassured, even outside of a sexual context. Going in I braced myself for the "wham-bam" attitudes and treatment, but that turned out to be exception rather than rule. My clients generally demanded lots of time and attention.

    Just pointing out that variation does exist within prostitution. The scripts all ultimately lead to the same ends, but they're not written identically and there is no set tone. We may be actresses, but that doesn't mean we're incapable of experiencing some measure of pleasure. There are women that hate going through the motions, understandably, but that doesn't apply to every prostitute. Hell, the sex was one of my favorite parts to the date, at least for a few years there. The root of the problem is male privilege, which makes the selfish sex and violence a reality out of a sense of entitlement to do so.

    Why do men see prostitutes? You really want to know? Because they CAN. What kind of men come to us? Any kind, all kinds. Preachers, pediatricians, attorneys, techies, entrepreneurs, utility workers, foreign exchange students, Catholic school teachers, professors, truck drivers, chefs, men that live in their parents' basement, law enforcement officials, military personnel, veterans, and, of course, politicians. Any race, any religion (in fact the uber-religious seem especially enchanted with seeing prostitutes), just so long as he can afford to pay. And there is a price out there to suit any budget.

    Sure, some men are trying to escape their responsibilities and troubles. And some are just misbehaving little shits, screaming "Look what I can do!" Many are quite smug, impressed with their ability to pull a fast one on their wives. A few claim their wives have serious medical or psychological conditions, removing intimacy at home as an option. And as another commenter mentioned: some men just feel they're entitled to a harem (though most freak at the idea of their wives taking another lover).

    So, IME, the men weren't usually overly-aggressive or outwardly resentful (though it certainly does happen). Most of mine could be considered downright jovial, but why wouldn't they be? They're living it up! They have money to burn!

    As the clients so fondly like to remind us: "We don't pay you to fuck, we pay you to leave afterwards!" Yep, it's their party and they're all hopped up on superiority, insensitivity and disillusionment.

    Extended exposure leads to jadishness.

    They'll cry when they're caught, but it's just another act. Once forgiven and enough time has elapsed, many return to seeing prostitutes. Sometimes I wonder whose the greater actor here, us or them? The performances over the phone talking to their wives, with a woman laying in the bed waiting... It leaves little doubt of their overall opinion of women. The mothers of their children, their wives, the women they parade around in their politics and religion to promote the "sanctity of marriage"...and not only do they lie and cheat, but they're awfully damn proud of themselves. Do you know why? Because chances are she's going to take him back. He knows our dirty little secret...we depend on him.

    Now, why do politicians cheat when they have so much to lose? Because they possess this false sense of invincibility. They're supermen, drunk on status and power, who can do what they want even if it blatantly contradicts the values they judge others by and profess to hold dear. It's bullshit. But most politicians are bullshit. Besides, all of their buddies are doing the same thing and they don't want to feel left out.

    Reader's Digest made the most sense! ;)
  • I think you are all overlooking the fact that women cheat just as much as men do... especially the women in positions of power or authority.
  • found your site on del.icio.us today and really liked it.. i bookmarked it and will be back to check it out some more later ..
  • I have a slightly different take on men who visit prostitutes. From an Indian perspective, many rural men live in urban areas to earn a living so that their families in the villages don't starve. These men are simply fulfilling a biological need when they visit prostitutes. In this, the sex industry acts as a release mechanism for these men and performs an important social function.
  • vinita
    Reena I beg to differ with u as I have personally experienced this aspect of indian married men visting prostitutes and urban ones at that.In fact men do it for reasons that r absolutely horrenodous like to have variety,coz it s affordable and there is opportunity.It s been so close and painful for me since I discovered my husband has been to prostitutes not just one but several like moroccons, thai, etc ,etc in an indian metro.We are a lovely, highly educated respectable family wth two wonderful kids.He is living at the best address in town,is very well to do,has a smart highly educated and successful tech wife wth a great sense of humour,but that didn t stop him from not only having sex wth them but also performing oral sex and all other sick acts of intimacy.The worst aspect was that he was manipulated by the last whore into so called falling in love wth her and has promised her a marriage and custody of both my children wth a promise to him that she will not have children of her own to be fair to mine.Ialways thot and so did my friends that we had everythng going for us wth a global real estate profile,rocking bizness in imports,great sex life and waht have u.My therapist says it s only 2 percent of these cheating men that r caught while d others go undetected.With men travelling across continents on bizness and wth so many escort agents on d net,dont be complacent,ur husband cud be doing it under ur nose.It s only becoz of my high level of intution an IQ and of course God s divine hand, Istumbled upon d truth and believe me when I say it has devastated my family, my children, my booming career and my face with constant weeping.I wouldn t wish this on my worst enemy.Everybody is involved- the five star hotels,the police,underworld and the politicians.There are hundreds of families which r destroyed everyday wth children s secure lives going beserk,that s d saddest part of it all .The authorities should take action and ban all escort services sites on the net as prostitution is still illegal in India.Jus becoz these men who r worse that dogs on d street cannot keep their libido under chek, innocent women like me and my kids should nt pay such a heavy price.....
  • Jan
    Anyone who thinks prostitution is victimless, should read Reena's comments again.
  • AM
    I agree with you too Reena. Prostitution serves lots of different functions and is more complicated than we tend to give it credit.
  • Reena I see your point, but the fact is that many of these guys are not rural farmers in India! Many of them have a family (and a sex-neglected wife) waiting a few miles away.

    Either way, I think prostitutes do serve an important function - overall a victimless crime when only adults are involved, IMO.
  • Poesis
    Let me just say a few words concerning the following statement:

    "Our culture represents women as high maintenance individuals who must be cared for by a man and are otherwise helpless in life, always needing the attention and demanding the security of a man."

    This is true to an extent. This is the effect that media and mass communication has on men. But to say that "those exaggerations are often false", excuses the fact that this effects women also. Men may feel that their partners need them for stability, but in many cases, the women begin to believe it also. This view within our culture effects women just as much as men.

    So, it is not only men that need to change, it is women also. They're not entirely innocent, and nothing will change until the mindset of men AND women change.

    Thanks.
  • andrew
    married men are not the only customers. majority are unmarried and non-committed males.

    the reason why prostitution exists is because men need casual sex more than women. if women and men both needed casual sex equally there would be no need for somthing like prostitution as they would do it with each other.

    seconldy those women who want casual sex would be very selective and choosing only men of higher standards. bcos women are in a bargaining position.

    the result is that the average male has limited opportunites to get casual sex socially. hence the need for prostitutes.

    as far as married people are concerned women cheat on husbands too. but they wont need male prostitutes as they can easily do it with some hot neighbour guy.
    men are willing to lower their standards significantly when it comes to casual sex.

    so i think women should think twice before pointing a finger at men who visit prostitutes
  • thanks for interesting info! :)
  • Akshay125
    i think poverty is one of the basic caused of the prostitutions. No women wants to be a prostitute with her own will. There must be some kind of helplessness or some kind of bad powers of the society which let them to do so. We must understand the root cause of the problem. Though in some country prostitution is an occupation as any other.
  • suspect that casual sleeping around is far more damaging to a woman than prostitution, given the likely resulting emotional confusion and turmoil. The prostitute can fairly easily create a sort of emotional distance between herself and her clients, largely because she knows exactly why she's sleeping with them: the reason is money. As above yes, in some countries prostitution is legal becuase they know the logic behind emotional and logical relationship between a men an her women, and between a client and a prostitute.
  • Vinita I must say that your comment is the only one I agree with. My prayers go out to you. I can't believe there are so many people commenting as if prostitution is ok.
    I can not say I blame the women because yes there are a lot of women that only do it for the money. They will have to deal with their consequences they will face with karma soon enough in their own lives.
    I did enjoy the article. However excuses, excuses!
    Women stop being the fools. Know that these things happen on a regular. And thinking that it won't happen to you because your family is well off is idiocy. You are the main ones, sorry to say. But yes the men that have the money and have wives that don't keep close tabs get away with it all.
    Stand up for yourselves or hell play the game too. All while enjoying that nice house and living he supplies!
  • Not me
    That may be true for a lot of men, but not all. I've visited prostitutes a number of times because I do not want a relationship and a prostitute is the most expedient way of acheiving that. I would really prefer to fo find an escort I could see regularly and treat like a date when I see her, however escorts don't seem to want that, so I just accept the acting part as a negative aspect of the convenience.
  • Jan
    So now I am really confused.......you don't want a relationship but you do want a woman you can sleep with but see more often than now.......isn't that in fact, a relationship ???? I think the reason men hire prostitutes is an overwhelming sense of entitlement.
    And as for victimless, I think the poor deceived wife would disagree
  • Steve
    that was a nic and showy pile of bullshit. maybe a few guys who use prostitutes do it for that. but most of us just do it because it beats taking care of business ourselves. Not everyone wants to be a a 2-way relationship. A prostitute lets us have sex, Withalso having kids, A family, Double bills, And a 2 way relationship as stated. it is just a release like any other. A man gets energetic, he plays sports. A man gets drowsy he sleeps. A man gets hungry, h eats. A man gets horny and he is not in a relationship then he has 2 options. A whore or a hand.
  • Paul
    The article is a bit biased in my opinion.

    Women cheat on their husbands to, and Women can be just as selfish as men. Infact many married men go to hookers because they are not getting any at home. If their wives were more interested in sex maybe these men wouldn't have to resort to going to hookers.

    The reasons why men seek out prostitutes is often so varied and complex it's impossible to get a striaght answer because every guy's reason is different. Quite frankly I really don't see how going to prostitutes is any morally inferior then picking up a stranger at a bar, or a golddigger who marries a rich guy for his money. Atleast with a prostitute everything is upfront. no bullshit, and no games.

    Quite frankly it's not my problem what others choose to do in the privacy of their own homes or hotel rooms if you ask me, it should be legal.
  • Jimmy
    What if your wife is an alcoholic and has been since she was a teenager and has every sexual hangup you can imagine. She used her body to get me to marry her and then basically cut me off. She even admitted that she did not get married to have sex. What was I supposed to do. My choices were not good ones but I stayed in the marriage, paid the bills ,put money away for retirement waited on her hand and foot. She stuck me in a room, verbally abused me when she drank and I walked on eggshells. I am not a bad person and I never abused or treated anybody with disrespect that I saw. Maybe I would have better off having an affair, but that would have meant using my heart. I am glad that I can look in the mirror and know I told the truth. I want win any popularity contest but in the end, I am at peace with myself.
  • Jimmy
    I want to add a couple of things after reading all of the posts. She was drinking before we ever met. She used sex as a weapon. When my Father died in December, she sat at the Funeral luncheon under her breath said please eat. I used to be overweight because I would eat to cope. I lost over 80 pounds and women started to find me attractive. She wanted me Fat and Happy and not worthy of sex or only on her terms. Selfish or taking care of a basic need. She seemed to just be fine with me taking care of all the bills and everything else. When I forced the drinking to stop is when the anger and hate came full force. She didn't need me,when she had the drink and the many one night stands that she had and couldn't remember what she did the night before. Please advise me what should I have done differently.
  • happybird
    In the U.S. you can buy a gun and will not break the law, but if you spend some happy time with a female sex worker you may be in trouble.
    This is very difficult to be understood.

    Had an affair with a friend of mine and both of us had a fantasy of pretending she was a prostitute and I would act as a unknown client , as I did, but even knowing in advance were a fantasy she broke up our relationship because she alledged I had treated like as low life whore .
  • Nameless
    I only masturbate to the idea of using a prostitute's service.
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