I Never Liked that Vase Anyway

Sorted under health on June 5, 2009

Every month I look forward to reading the ‘Boo Ya It’s Period Time’ posts over at Womanist Musings. They always fill me with an overwhelmingly sense of pride in my femininity. They remind me of why I am a vagina-loving, menstruation-loving feminist. They remind me of how beautiful yet complex our bodies are. Most of all, they remind me of what I wish I could feel like approximately four days before my period begins.

Don’t get me wrong, I am a body-loving, vagina-loving, menstruation-loving feminist. During menstruation, I feel, as cliche as it might sound, more connected to my world. I use reusable menstrual pads from Lunapads in part because of the environmental impact (did you know that the average woman will use approximately 11,000 tampons or pads in their lifetime?) and also in part because I enjoy washing my pads in my bathtub, by hand. My “problem” has nothing to do with menstruation, itself; in fact, menstruation is my relief, the end of this little condition called PMDD (or Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder.)

Now many different websites will give you a list of medical jargon and numerous different symptoms of this disorder, but the best way to explain it, for me at least, is that it is depression mixed with the deepest anger you have ever experienced in your life for any reason, times at the very least, by 500. But in case you’re one of those text book definition folks, you can read about it here.

There are many people who will start screaming ’sexism’ when a male mentions his girlfriend, wife, friends, whatever, having PMS, and I am also one of these people. To have PMS and to be asked by a male if you have PMS because you’re acting a little hot-headed are two completely different things.

Throughout my life I have had a terrible anger problem, due to the fact that I am a survivor of childhood trauma and multiple cases of sexual assault. Through all of the years I have been menstruating, I had chalked my explosive temper up to that anger problem; however, merely an anger problem does not involve physical aches and pains, lightning fast mood swings, and admittedly, making a huge deal out of something that really wasn’t that big of a deal to begin with, whether in my relationship, work life, or personal life. Through the past year, year and a half, I have been researching these symptoms and speaking with a close friend of mine who has repeatedly told me about her own personal problems with these exact symptoms–And how as soon as the first drop of menstrual blood oozes, all of these symptoms are gone; vanished and gone until the next month.

And that is the reason why the vase that had been sitting on my desk for the past two years or so, is now in about 50 or so pieces, in the trash. It is June 5th and in approximately 3 to 4 days, that first drop of menstrual blood will ooze, which is the reason why a vase is broken when a book was thrown at it, knocking over a coffee cup and spilling the entire cup of liquid all over my desk and onto my office chair. And while yes, in hindsight a vase is broken and my chair is soaked, forcing me to hijack the boyfriend’s chair and hope he doesn’t wake up so I am chair-less, it felt damn good to do at the time and for the time being, my anger has subsided.

While I may be inclined to follow suit with Womanist Musings and write a Boo Ya It’s Period Time post, when I will most definitely be ecstatic to break out the pads and finally feel at ease, for right now, I’m in hell and it fucking sucks.



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  • Omg! I just spend 100 dollars for a vase that I bought yesterday and my husband want to kill me ahahah! Keep it up!
  • cat
    The PMS thing, I totally get it. For some reason, though hormones are used to explain away every resistence to patriarchy or any anger of a woman, women who actually have serious hormonal problems tend to have them not treated seriously (I have had PCOS and hormonal issues since 11 but it took seven years to get a diagnosis). People laugh it off (and often make terribly sexist comments) when I explain my irrational, uncharacteristic weeping as something hormonal that is not related to my actual emotional state (on occasion, I sob and sob but really don't feel unusually sad). I too, feel better when menstruating (which only happens now when I am on high dose, estrogen containing birth control and is still not a hundred percent regular).
  • Thanks for your post. I tired to find articles like this. Thanks
  • I completely agree, I feel this way every time I buy expensive stuff for my house and my husband always disapprove ahaha
  • Tampon is very bad for our health and I have never not recommend. Tampon generate bacteria and gynecologist will never recommend them without drugs to destroy bacteria.
  • I am, seriously, now very afraid of you. LOL.
    So that's the explanation why women are a little hot-headed before menstruation? I thought that was my normal self. Haha!
    Thanks for sharing the info.
  • Excellent writing and I can relate....
  • thanks for sharing...
  • Brilliant post thanks :)
  • OK so I know this isn't the point of the post, but where would I go to get these Luna pads?

    I am so very grateful you posted on this, because I have felt for the last two years or so that my anger just gets out of control around that time of the month. Partially because I don't like bc pills and partially because I am a lesbian (hello...don't need birth control) I haven't tried this Yasmin crap. Is there anything you do specifically to lessen anger during this time???
  • You can purchase Lunapads through their website at http://lunapads.com I wrote an in-depth review of Lunapads over on Woman Tribune in September of 2008 that you can read here, if you'd like more information from someone who used them : http://womantribune.com/good-vagina-good-enviro...

    I can't really give you too many pointers on how to reduce anger during these times. I'm not on birth control, either, although I used to be and that definitely did help the amount of anger I experienced when expecting my period. Now I just take a lot of baths, I use lavender body balm which has a calming effect for me. Other than that, I just write a lot and hopefully get all I'm feeling out of me. Hope that helps, at least a little bit.
  • hey, you can always get another vase! i love this post. even today, the subject is somewhat taboo. i have trouble telling my best friend, a guy i've known and collaborated with for years, that i'm not up for doing something on a particular day because i've got my period. (my process is different from yours, and my worst day is the first day -- just when you're getting some relief. i experience less anger, but a huge energy drain. can barely drag myself out of bed. next day, i'm fine.)

    though i have done it once or twice and he was cool with it. maybe i am more shy about this than necessary. a baby boomer thing? (i'm late-boom, but still.)
  • I had planned to start writing monthly period posts last year, but then got pregnant and that was the end of that idea. LOL I don't get angry before hand so much as I get extremely depressed, often feeling suicidal. It's hell for about 3-4 days and then I'm normal again.
  • I'll add a comment, and you don't even have to pay me that dollar you mentioned on Twitter. These topics are on my mind right now. Today is the first day this week that I don't have pain related to my period, or the headaches I get PRE-period. I am in peri-menopause and not particularly liking this stage right now.

    Your honesty about anger is appreciated as well. I'm working on this with my T right now. You're always so timely! Thanks!
  • boyo
    I am listening, and I am hearing (that's multitasking for men).
  • Fantastic. Brilliant. THANK YOU.
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